08.19.07.What's News?

When the alarm sounded, I continued to walk normally, and no one approached me. I also forgot everything on my list. Looking around the store, I remembered a few of the items, but I started to get nervous about leaving. Should I just walk out like normal? Should I say to the docile little woman at the door “It's OK, it's just my funky trousers”? Should I make a break for it? How far could I run with these trousers on? I wondered around the store until I remembered a few of the items on the list and went to get in line. Leaving, the alarm sounded, and again no one approached me. Personal note to self: Don't pay for things at Wal-Mart. Walking to my car, I thought a lot about how nervous I was in the store. I thought a lot about how embarrassed I would have been if I had been apprehended. I thought a lot about how odd it would have been to have my ass kicked by a woman while wearing leather trousers. Note to self... I digress. Apparently, I mused on the subject a bit too long, because when I got back to the apartment, I was still in LaLaLand. The sprinkling had turned into a small summer storm, and I wanted to get into the apartment without getting soaked. I backed my car in, turned off the wipers and lights, put my MP3 player and charger in the grocery bag, grabbed my bag, locked the door, got out of the car, and remembered that the keys were still in the ignition. As I stood looking stupidly into the quickly fogging windows, I could hear that the engine was still running. I could also hear the storm growing in intensity. My apartment has about a 6 inch eave, so when you step outside, if it is raining, you get wet. I tried to prop my bag up in front of the door so the MP3 player could stay relatively dry. I am not a big guy, but apparently I am more than 6 inches from front to back. I found that I could not make a call without getting soaked. I ran out to get under a few trees in front of the apartment. I have another set of keys in my desk drawer at work. Paging through the list of co-workers, I called the ones that I thought might be available. Voice Mail, Voice Mail, Voice Mail. Some of the students in a house across the way were standing out in the rain drinking water out of red Solo cups and screaming “Woo!” In unison. As the rain intensified, they started picking up the cups and taking the table inside. Apparently, they didn't want the rain water. I ran up to the door just as the last one was closing it. Knocking on the door, I heard “Oh Shit, that big black midget is at the door!”, “Put that shit out”, and “He looks like a cop”. I have been called a lot of things in my life, but... I digress. A sheepish looking girl came to the door and I told her about my naughty keys. She said that she would look, but she thought everyone was using plastic coat hangars these days. 30 seconds later, she came back and said that they had no metal coat hangars in the house. Note to self: Become a cop and arrest the whole lot of them. I ran back to the grove of trees and looked around. I went to knock on another neighbor, Juan's door. Fortunately, he was there. He did have a metal hangar, but it was a HUGE gold colored hangar that was for some reason, neatly unwound and straightened almost perfectly, except for the hook at the end. I thanked him, and proceeded to start scratching up my brand new car. The door locks in my car are not electric, but they do have rubbery nips at the top, so there is nothing for a hangar to grip on to. I went back to Juan's door to see if he had a tennis ball, and he was like “I never would have guessed you to be a YouTube addict... Are you a cop?” Before I could answer, my phone rang. It was JoTho, from work. JoTho is an ex immigration officer who had never actually retired. I don't think he turned in his weapon, either. He has threatened to shoot me several times.

“Rahsaan”

“Pringle, Didn't I tell you not to lock yourself out?”

“No, sir”

“Alright, I'll be there in a minute.”

“Great, I am at...”

Click

3 minutes later, The phone rang again. It was JoTho.

• “Where are you at?”

• “I'm at my apartment, It's a stones throw from Calhoun's. I have a spare set of keys in my desk at the office.”

• “Fine, GodDammit!”

• Pregnant pause...

• “JoTho?”

• “Here is what I am going to do. I'm going to go to the office and get your keys out of your desk. After that, I am going to bring your keys to you. You are going to be waiting for me and your keys at the bar at Calhoun's! YOU HEAR ME PRINGLE?!?”

• “Yes Sir!”

• Click

• When I closed my phone I looked around the room and Juan, and the two women he lived with, and the two babies they had were all looking at me with big eyes and wide open mouths. I guess JoTho didn't lose his touch. I thanked them and ran downtown to Calhoun's. JoTho time is weird. He could be 45 minutes late, or he could be 45 minutes early. Either way JoTho was my boss, and if he said to wait for him at the bar, I was going to wait for him at the bar, no questions asked.